Why we love life's little boxes

We all love them, those little boxes that we like to keep our lives organised into because that gives us a semblance of control over our lives. Or so we like to think and believe until something or someone comes and shakes us out of that belief. As I learnt to my discomfort, just the other day.

Life's Little Boxes
( Image from  the internet)

My life is planned to a very large degree and I have certain days of the week allocated for different activities that I’m involved with. Since most of them entail leaving the house by about 8.30am, the cleaner has been clearly informed that the car must be cleaned and ready by 8 am, (just in case I decide/have to leave home somewhat earlier).

And this is an arrangement that has worked rather well for some time. That was until last Tuesday when I reached the car and to my surprise found him just about starting to clean it. The time was already about 8.25 am and I had to leave, with or without that cleaning. Approaching him, I probably had a certain kind of look on my face, and he knew exactly what had caused it. So in anticipation of what I would say to him, he started to apologise, but I wanted to tell him once and for all that being late the next time was a complete ‘no-no’. 

All he did was just lift up his trouser leg and show me a huge bandage covering his foot and right upto his ankle and tell me, “Madam, Yeh chot lag gaya hai.”(Madam, I’ve hurt my foot.) I did not know where to look, let alone tell him anything more. Managing to barely mumble words to the effect that I hoped that he had shown it to a doctor, I got in and started my car. 

But not before I heard him say, “Madam, I’ll finish the job right after you return.”

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Then there was this other time when I saw a well to do individual approaching his vehicle in a public parking and start shouting at a poor man cleaning his vehicle. The reason for that - apparently the man was cleaning the car with water that was not too clean. 

That moment will remain etched in my mind and heart forever. The sheer anger and contempt on the man’s face as he shouted at the cowering thin and tired man. But even more, the look of shame and humiliation on the victim’s face as I passed by... 

Life's little boxes-inexplicable sometimes and very hard to forget most of the time.

( Excerpt taken from my column 'My Take' in Muscat Daily.)

Roads not taken, things not done

An evening walk at the new Corniche, Muscat

"Roads not taken, things not done", a  universal thought and one which can pop up every now and then, and at any point in the day.
For the simple fact of life is that we have all wanted to 'do' different things  'be' different people from what we are now doing.
Some who might have wanted to become photographers are Accountants/Partners working in a firm today.They might be very well placed in material terms, but what about the emotional vacuum...?

Or then those who might have wanted to be pilots might be working in the Foreign service.

Or others,  like me, who wanted to be an Investigative journalist, got into an entirely different  field because at that point in time, it wasn't really the 'done thing' for women to be out and about in scenarios which would definitely be demanded of that job.

So yes, there is no doubt, we all have these regrets  but the best way to deal with them is to look at life life has offered us  'on the balance'. 

Or put in another way, what have we been able to make out of our  optional career?

And if at the end of that thought process, if  the 'pros' are just a tad bit less than the 'cons', things are not really too bad, now are they?

Think about it - we may differ, but I'm glad I got you thinking!

Home is where the heart is", said Mummy as she came home and her Guardian angel..

Mummy and me, Sep 2012

Mummy came back home yesterday after a 15 day stay at Medanta the Medicity, in Gurgaon.
It was a moment to cherish forever and as the ambulance brought her back home, she smiled, looked up at her home, said Satnam Shri Waheguru" and then just as she came in, "Home is where the heart is." We couldnt agree more!

Thankfully, the surgery went off well but it was the post op complications that kept her in the hospital a week longer than all of us had planned.But, that extra week was what has taught all of us the power of patience and believing in 'the real power of what a combination of a good hospital, good after care, a great team of doctors and nursing staff and so much more. It has also taught us that there is a certain pace to everything and that try and wish as we might, people will heal only at the pace that they can.

It has  also convinced me more than ever before that our guardian angels are always there for us and they are also the ones that keep our mind, body and spirits strong as well give us a great deal of hope for the future.And this little story will tell you exactly what I mean.

In the blog post just before this one, I have told you about my grandmother, Mataji who passed away many, many years ago, but has always been Mummy's guardian angel whenever she has been ill or going through any kind of a troubled phase.And she was there for her this time as well. As Mummy tells me, after the five and a half hour surgery, she was moved from the OT to the Post Op room till she regained consciousness. (It is only after this that the patient is moved to the ICU)

It was then that she had this sleeping- waking dream which felt so real that she actually felt warm, safe and comfortable. It was a crowded place with many people milling around.Mummy says it was as though she was looking down at the scene and felt as if she was searching for something, or was it someone?

Some time later, she saw exactly who, it was Mataji, her mum, who was sitting in the middle of the crowd and dealing firmly with all the people who by then seemed to be running in the opposite direction. In fact a few of them told her to leave that place as soon as she could for there was something not quite right there. It was then that Mummy saw Mataji stand up and deal with that situation as firmly as she dealt with many  things in her life. Telling all of them to carry on in the direction that they were heading towards and in fact, having to firmly stand her ground against a few people who seemed as if they would sweep her off with them, she said in a loud voice.

"Cant you see, there is no way that I can leave this spot? My daughter is lying ill in bed there and I will wait until she has recovered."

At that, the crowd moved on and she sat there, alone, waiting..

And some time later, Mummy recovered full consciousness, knowing that her guardian angel had been there for her...


Yet again.... 

It all felt so real."" she said and I believed her..

Implicitly.

Two weeks later and recovered- Dealing with Contact Dermatitis

'Man proposes but God disposes'. This is a phrase that I've grown up with and have used it many a time myself.

But never has it applied so  much as what I've been through in the last couple of weeks.What rankled even more was the fact that I had to cancel the family holiday that we had been looking forward to for the last couple of months!

It started off as a mild skin rash but then I have sensitive skin in any case and after having lived in the Middle East for the last two decades, have developed a mild form of 'melasma', ( a slight darkening of the skin on the upper cheek bones), Having tried various forms of treatment, including Homeopathy, over the last few years, I've pretty much given up on it and have learnt to manage life effectively-treks, hikes, long walks in the desert, mountain climbing, I've managed them all, ensuring that my face is not directly exposed to the sun, as this is likely to increase the darkening.    

So what was it that propelled me to go to a chemist and buy a Bioderma product, White Objective, last month? For the life of me, I'll never really be able to comprehend that except for the fact that the mildly brown  patches were bothering me( from a cosmetic point of view) and I hoped that this would resolve the issue.( Incidentally, this is the same product I'd used last year and it had worked very well!)

Day 1 and I applied it at night- I remember Avi telling me" If it ain't broke, don't fix it" but I went ahead  anyway.

Day 2- Noticed  a slight redness and itching in the morning but thought nothing much of it and went about my day.Applied the serum again at night,.

Day 3- More redness and itching, but did I stop/ No I applied it AGAIN for the third time and what followed next was a nightmare..

Day 4- It seemed worse and there was some pain. I applied a basic skin medication and ice off and on. 

Day 5 Thursday--it looked worse, there was a swelling and a constant itching. That day, I applied ice packs off and on and took an anti allergy medication. Avi suggested that we visit the doctor,but I slept in the afternoon and in the evening was feeling too ill to go.At night, I taped my face with large bandage so that I would resist the urge to scratch through the night.


Day 6- Friday- Woke up in the morning and felt terrible. One look at my face in the mirror and what looked back at me was appalling- red, inflamed, with my left eye almost closed with the swelling and the pain- hard to describe, so I will let that pass...

Went to the doctor in the next hour and I clearly remember her look when I took off the dark glasses that I was wearing to conceal as much of my face as I could. A look of astonishment coupled with horror and I leave you to imagine the rest.The problem was identified as 'Contact dermatitis', with a secondary issue of pus and infection

And so I was put on a course of antibiotics for 5 days and supposed to visit the doctor for a review after that. Which incidentally, would be the day before we were supposed to go on vacation..

Over the next few days, the infection  seemed to be getting better but the pain and the redness remained. On the fifth day we went back to her- the left side of my face was red but luckily the pain had gone.

It was high time to visit a Skin Specialist now and that was what she suggested that morning. And so we visited a well known skin specialist her. After a thorough look at my face, he informed that there was no infection/pus any more and as for the redness" we will deal with it."

Armed with a renewed surge of confidence and a prescription for just two medicines, including a skin cream for 10 days,  I walked out and cancelled my trip. You see, there was no way that I could take any exposure to the sun during this period.

Today is Day 9 of that course and I've recovered. I feel normal  and the redness is almost all gone. I take precautions like not going out when the sun is directly overhead  and that's pretty much it.

As to what did I do with all my time indoors- well that's another whole story for another blog post...


PS- There has to be a reason why I haven't put up those pics of my face during that period...

Parenting in today's high tech driven world

I've thought about this very often, and this was really the case when my daughter was growing up.

Working in a full time job which left me mentally and physically tired at the end of the day I tried my best to spend 'quality' time with her, particularly our evenings in the 'Jhoola park'. But I must confess that my attention wandered and many times, work called,  intruding in my personal time and space.

She must have been lonely but my daughter never really complained- at least not openly. Hats off to her and her patience!

But life has a strange way of coming up with reminders and that can happen in the most unexpected ways. Just the other day, we were sitting at a little restaurant that we frequent on the weekends and I saw a father and his two young daughters come in. They settled down comfortably in a quiet corner and placed their orders. Some conversation was exchanged between the father and his daughters at that stage but that was really it!

For during the entire duration of that lunch all that the father did was focus on his phone!

Whether he was receiving or making calls, or simply looking at photographs or playing games,  it was very clear that this father paid far more attention to his phone than he did to his daughters. As for the two little girls, they remained quite busy and happy- first taking out their hand cleaner to clean their hands before starting their meal, then enjoying their chicken and french fries. All the while, they chattered with each other almost incessantly in a way that made me realise that this behaviour of their father's was probably quite routine and they had learnt to deal with it.

But I dont know why I felt saddened- was it a reminder of my own behaviour of a few years ago, or the realisation that today's children have learnt to deal with so much more than the previous generations?

Or was it quite simply the fact that the lure of this ever developing technology is making us into far more casual parents than our own were?Finally of course, each person has a choice- but in a long time I've felt touched enough by a topic to write a new blog post...

Hobbies, interest groups and life changing moments

I love interacting with people who share my hobbies - so I have an online group of photography enthusiasts where we share our photographs, then  comment on and critique each others work.

Then there is the 'real people' photography group where we go out on regular photo expediotions.

I also have a Bridge group where we meet and interact on a regular basis and play Bridge. Ditto for a Flower arranging and a painting group. And then I have a couple of online groups where authors from all over the world share their thoughts and ideas. Each of these groups has helped me evolve as an individual and I've learnt a great deal from all these people and I hope that in some way, I've been able to reciprocate too.


Today's story is about one of the Books and writers groups where I started a discussion board last month.The topic-"For many authors, their first book is closest to their heart. What about you? "

I got numerous responses and while I will name some of the authors, I wont name the others.One of the earliest responses, "On a personal level, yes. It was the most touching and the one which has left its impression upon me for the rest of my life. When you attempt to reconstruct your family's history you have to remember all elements of its history both tragic and hilarious whether you wish it or not. But the tragic elements have far outweighed the hilarious ones, unfortunately.."

Then there was this one-"I quite agree. Starting college at age 52, my first book came from my final research paper, for my final class, for my BA degree in 2006.Four years later, I expanded this 5000 word paper into a 70,000 word book for my first MA in 2009. While at the same time, my second bookcame from my thesis for my second MA in 2010. Everyday life is providing the content for my third book, to be out soon. "

Here's the most amusing one-"My first book is closest to my waste basket!"

After a couple of days and many more responses later, it  was time for me to chip in- which I did by saying-

"Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.I 've frequently debated this with some friends and colleagues.My first book, 'A Safe Harbour'is based on so much of my own career in advertising, and inadvertantly, the joys and travails of the job have crept in. Will go through all your links and posts in detail and would be happy to hear from more of you!

Then followed many more responses..in pretty much the same vein as mine

Faraaz Kazi-"That's true. Truly Madly Deeply will always hold a special place in my heart".

Mary Jane Clayton-"Yes, my first book, Brittany's Rose, truly is closest to my heart. It's about my granddaughter who lost her life to leukemia. It's about how believing in the unbelivable leads to healing. After 20 years of writing in my journal about coiencidental events, I finally learned to give them meaning. My hope is that these amazing messages from my granddaughter will help others who are still grieving a loss to find peace of mind.."

And here's the one that I could truly classify as one of my 'life changing moments'-a response from an author called Elaine Benton ( but before that this is a short bio of Elaine's).
Elaine was born in England, diagnosed at the age of five with Gaucher disease; a rare inherited disorder, for which there is no cure. At the age of 44, she was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. Battling two diseases, Elaine's writing is inspirational and quite extraordinary. Elaine's book "Parkinson's, shaken, not stirred" is a collection of poems offering support and comfort to fellow sufferers and caregivers, relating to their daily struggles. From personal experience she has written with stark honesty and humour, something patients and doctors rarely get to read which has captured world-wide attention,giving a fresh perspective from the patient's view--http://www.amazon.com/Elaine-Benton/e/B0081JP8EK

Elaine Benton
( pic courtesy Elaine's Amazon page)

Elaine Benton-"I have to admit that my first book is very close to my heart. I put my heart and soul into it and it is about my personal experience of suffering chronic disease, whilst maintaining a cheerful and positive attitude. I am almost finished my third book, and know all too well about agents rejection letters, and as I'm running out of time, self publishing was the solution for me.

When one of the others on that panel debated the concept of 'self publishing' her answer truly moved me-

 "I quite agree that many of the great writers were penniless, or had to wait years until their works were finally recognised and published. You are correct in saying that "self publishing" as great as it is offering many people who do have talent the ability to get their books out there in some form, there is no doubt that an established publishing house taking on one's book is, as you put it, in an entirely different galaxy. I write because I love to write, believing I am writing something of value that is unique. I am not writing to become rich, and have so far not made a penny, and this does not bother me. I write because words seem to come from my soul and I want to get them down on paper, so that those who could gain support/comfort would not feel alone in their daily struggles. Some of us are not afforded, good health, time and money required to travel this route. I have contacted many publishers, but due to being in poor health, time is of the essence here, and eventually I self published simply because I am running out of time. I have had no help as regards contacts with publishers, and have barely enough energy to finish my third book and continue to write my daily blog that is being followed by fellow sufferers and care givers around the world. There is nothing I would love more than to have a publisher take me on. This is the number one item on my "bucket list", so if you or anyone out there reading this message would like to take a minute and visit my site https://www.amazon.com/author/elainebenton and if after reading, you feel you know of someone who may be interested, I would be eternally grateful.

Wishing you all a great day. "

Elaine.


Could I say any more than that?

Suffice it is to say that I havent used my blog to publicise any other author but this is a blog post with a difference.Do check out Elaine's blog, and I know, you will emerge as different person.

Pretty much in the same way as I did....