Remembering Mummy on Mothers Day

"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take." 
( Cardinal Meymillod)

For those of you who have been following my blog, you know that I lost my beautiful mother Satinder on 17th October 2017 and life has never been the same since.

Every day, I realise, more and more, how much she shaped so many different aspects of my life and along with that so many, many others, including my father and brother's.

Just 21 years older to me, my mother was a pillar of strength for all of us at different stages of our life. Most importantly, her strength  and fortitude in dealing with her own ailments, particularly through 2017, will serve to remind us forever that true courage has many forms, but for for us, it was in the form of Mummy.

Mummy saying a prayer of gratitude before her meal

I received this beautiful piece  from my brother Navtej yesterday it touched a deep chord in me. 

It was Mummy's birthday yesterday and  Mothers day tomorrow and I'm convinced, its a must share.

For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mom, this is a great reminder.

For those of us who aren't, this is even more beautiful. For those who are moms, you'll love this.

"The young Mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. 

And the Guide said:  "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it

But the end will be better than the beginning."

 The young Mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. 

So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother remarked,

"Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." 

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, 

"Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and nothing can harm us."

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. 

But at all times she said to the children,
" A little patience and we are there."

So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said,

"Mother, we would not have made it without you." 

And the Mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said,"This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. 

Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I've given them strength." 

And the next day came strange clouds, which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light."

And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness.

And that night the Mother said,

"This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. 

But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. 

And Mother said,"I have reached the end of my journey.

And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

 And the children said, 

"You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." 

And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her.  And they said: 

"We cannot see her but she is with us still.

A Mother like ours is more than a memory.  She is a living presence "

Your Mother is always with you. 

She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. 

Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallised in every teardrop.

She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. 

She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you'll. Not time, not space.. 

Not even death."

With my mother Satinder and my grandmother Rajinder Kaur

And so, I will strive to go through 2018 with my mother as my guiding star and my angel who watches above us from somewhere up above.

And if I fail, I will try, then try again and finally, try some more.

For that is exactly what Mummy would have wanted me to.

On Mummy - A month later

With Mummy and Pop- Nov 2014


Its the 17th of November and a month since Mummy left us.

A month in which I've tried everything possible to deal with the grief that has followed- succeeding sometimes but failing more often. The tears can and will come anytime -It could be while having a cup of 'elaichi' tea, looking at my phone at 730 pm,desperately  hoping that it will ring and the phone screen will show 'Mummy' (for thats the time she would call me) or while looking out at the flowers that are now blooming in the garden, or the chair that she would sit in whenever she came over to our place, or putting her shawl over my knees while watching TV-touching and feeling it over and over again to get a sense and feel, possibly a whiff of her...

The mind wanders and constantly asks questions

Why?

How?

Sometimes that grief turns to anger as I question medical science, sometimes myself for not spending as much time with her as I should have in her last days - but my mind responds with-"How could you have known that she would go?"

So thats when I realise that this is going to be a long , possibly very long cycle and I must do something about it- then manage to locate  this quotation that seems to be the answer to my immediate problem.

"Grief starts to become indulgent, it doesn't serve anyone and its painful.But if you transform it into remembrance then you're magnifying the person you lost and also giving something of that person to others so that they can experience something of that person." ( Patti Smith)

Theres no doubt that dealing with the passing  of a loved one is probably the hardest thing that a person faces in life. And the most important step to be taken to complete that journey is that of closure. The word ‘closure’ itself comes from the Latin word 'clausura' meaning a finish or conclusion and that’s where the key lies.

Of course, some of us would like to be able to camp out in shock and denial forever, but in time, the shock wears off and reality sets in. We need to figure out a way to restore meaning and purpose to our lives and to re-engage with the process of living as well as try and to open our shattered hearts.

Well reputed grief counsellors have another constructive suggestion. They suggest that a good way to deal with it might be to write down what one remembers about the person.  Noting  one’s thoughts about that person will help.

This may prove to be difficult for some people, but this will also help to let one’s feelings and thoughts out. In today’s world there are so many options available, try writing a journal, blog or if one doesn’t want to share it with anyone, nothing works better than a good old fashioned diary.

I'm certainly going to try that - add to which I have possibly the most extensive photograph collection amongst most people I know- who knows what may come out of all this- a book on Mummy perhaps? 

 Neha with Mummy on her last birthday- 11th May 2017

With Mummy Nov 2016

And for all those who are going through the same pain as we are, they should  try to begin a new chapter in life, which is probably the most difficult step. One may never be able to erase one’s memories of the departed, but that is not the intention.

However, at some stage, the people left behind need to begin to move on. Remembering the happy moments is probably one of the best ways to do that and here's one such happy pic from our life in Meerut decades ago.

Memories of another day At our home in Meerut

To close, here's a lovely quote by Elizabeth Gilbert from Eat, Pray, Love - ‘The day is ending, it's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now let go.’

I hope I get there someday......

What 'best' memories are made of

Last evening  I spent some time looking at some old photographs. Correction,  they were not really'old 'photographs, but they date back to just about five years ago.

And what I saw saddened me somewhat. Because many of the people in those photographs were no more. Particularly, those who were in their seventies then - I counted and at least six of them weren't alive any more.

I spent some time thinking about it, then realised that there was really  nothing that anyone could have done about it. All of them had died of age related illnesses and despite medication and hospitalisation, they eventually passed away.

Memories are made of this

As the old adage goes, 'time and tide really wait for no one' and the fact of the matter is that all of us will be gone one day. All we can do is to keep the happiest memories of  those who are now gone, close to our hearts and every now and then take a break, pause  and reflect on the best they had to offer us.

So one of the best things one can do is to look at a flower, a garden, a sunset and think of them. For memories are truly made of these and by associating the things we love with all the things they loved, we are definitely doing the right thing.

That of keeping them alive ...forever...

The Schonbrunn Palace- Vienna's exquisite gem

                                                 

                                   
                         A vantage viewing point-Stunning Schönbrunn 

Put quite simply, The Schönbrunn Palace is to Austria, what the Palace of Versailles is to France and once you have read this post, it will be easy for you to understand why.

Vienna is a city that thoroughly enjoys its past, and  ensures that all visitors and tourists and tourists who come there feel exactly the same way. Whether you're interested in the history and the long-reigning Habsburg family, classical music composed by Vienna's own Mozart, or antiques, you will be find all that you need and then some more. Most sites are located within the Innere Stadt, such as the Haus der Musik (House of Music) and the Museums Quartier.  

On our first  day in Vienna we decided that Vienna's exquisite gem, The Schönbrunn Palace, would be the ideal place to start our trip to Austria. Having heard a great deal about it, we had high expectations and must confess, they were fulfilled..to the very last degree!

The Schönbrunn Palace is the former summer residence of the imperial family and ever since it was completed in 1780 during the reign of Maria-Theresia, the palace was the favorite residence of the Habsburg monarchs.Together with the zoological garden, the Schönbrunn Palace with the bordering park area is definitely the the most popular tourist attraction in Vienna. The palace lies about six kilometers from the center of Vienna but is easily reached by the underground. The whole area, including the expansive garden, occupies about 435 acres and one needs keep at least a half day for a visit to Schönbrunn's magnificent palace and garden.

A quick background

After Emperor Maximilian II acquired the site of the current palace - then known as Katterburg - in 1569 he converted the existing castle into a hunting lodge. The story goes that his son, the Emperor Matthias, discovered a beautiful spring while hunting here and he exclaimed 'So ein schöner Brunnen' (what a beautiful spring), which led to the name Schönbrunn.

The caption as we entered 

In 1695, after the Turks destroyed the hunting lodge, Emperor Leopold the first, commissioned the court architect Johann Bernhard Fischer von Erlach with the construction of a palace that was meant to completely outshine the Palace of Versailles.Unfortunately for them, due to the high cost incurred in wars, Fisher von Erlach's proposed complex of multiple wings and terraces set on a hill (now the site of the Gloriette) was way too expensive and the emperor had to settle for a more modest, but fairly similar design. Construction started in 1696 but it was only partially completed when Leopold I died in 1705.

During Joseph I's  time, little progress was made until the mid eighteenth century when the Empress Maria Theresa commissioned court architect Nicolaus Pacassi with the completion of the palace. The monarchy ended when Charles I renounced involvement in state affairs, effectively ending the reign of the Habsburg monarchy, after which the palace became state owned.

Looking at it from a distance

The Palace 

A main gateway flanked by two obelisks leads to the vast courtyard, decorated with two large fountains, one with allegorical figures depicting the rivers Danube, Inn and Ems and the other with sculptures representing Transsylvania, Galicia and Lodomeria. Right ahead is the main palace building of the complex, with the large garden behind. To the right is the Schönbrunn Court Theatre, built in 1767 in Rococo style.

Gates on the right and left open up towards the garden, from where you have a better view of the whole complex. On the left seen from the garden is the Wagenburg (Coach Room), which houses the imperial collection of coaches, sledges and carriages. To the right is the Orangery, where plants and flowers were housed during wintertime to protect them from inclement weather.

We just loved this sight!

The central palace is 175 meters (574 ft) wide and has a symmetrical Baroque facade. All buildings were painted in a typical light yellow/ochre pattern, a combination that was soon copied by many residences around the country.During its heyday, some 1,000 people lived in the 1441 rooms and halls of the complex. Forty of these rooms - grand state apartments and the rooms of Franz-Josef and Elisabeth (Sissi) - are open to visitors.

The Rococo style interior of the Schönbrunn apartments is much more luxurious than the rather sober apartments in the Hofburg.

 Some, in particular the Millionenzimmer (Millions Room), are particularly sumptuous.

However, the private rooms of Franz-Joseph and empress Elisabeth have less elaborate decorations. The emperor held audiences in the Walnut room, named for the wooden Rococo paneling.

Schlosspark

The Schlosspark

The vast park is situated on a sloping site behind the palace, originally a hunting ground. It was laid out in 1705-1706 by Jean Trehet in a formal French style. Between 1753 and 1775, during the reign of Maria-Theresia, parts of the park were redesigned as a Baroque landscape by Ferdinand von Hohenberg.

The center of the park still consists of formally aligned flowerbeds flanked by rows of statues. They lead to the large Neptune fountain. Around the flowerbeds are formal gardens arranged in a star shape around two fountains known as the Najadenbrunnen.

Behind the Neptune fountain a curved leads to the Gloriette, an impressive arcade on top of the Schönbrunn Hill. The area around the Gloriette is less formal and even has some forest-like areas.Throughout the park, one sees a number of monuments, buildings, and architectural follies such as a mock Roman ruin and a large obelisk.
The park was opened to the public in 1779 and all visitors can come in without paying anything- a huge treat for anyone utilizing this fabulous opportunity.

The incomparable Neptune Fountain

Neptune Fountain

One of the highlights of Schönbrunn is the Neptune Fountain or Neptunbrunnen, the park's most monumental fountain. It was built in 1780 by Franz Anton von Zauner, an Austrian sculptor. The Baroque sculpture group depicts a mythical scene in which the sea goddess Thetis asks Neptune to allow her son Achilles, a safe voyage to Troy.

The plate with the details on the Neptune Fountain

Further east is one of the park's most impressive architectural follies: a tall obelisk erected on top of a monumental cascade. The mock hieroglyphs on the obelisk recount the history of the Habsburg family.

Walking through the gardens

Some other memorable sights in the park include a Botanic Garden, a Japanese garden; the beautiful Taubenhaus,  dovecote; the Najadenbrunnen - two similar fountains; the Meierei (dairy farm), now a café-restaurant; the labyrinth - a recreated version of the original seventeenth century version, and the Wüstenhaus, a hothouse near the Palmenhaus full of succulent cacti.

Avi in the centre of the gardens

Looking out and loving it.

We spent over half a day in the The Schönbrunn Palace and could easily have spent the entire day, if we hadn't been pressed for time. It was a very rewarding and culturally enriching half a day and having had the opportunity to see Versailles recently, it was obvious- there was a striking similarity but the opulence that one had seen in Versailles was missing here. 

Yet it had its own unique charm and to come back to where I started from, the Schönbrunn Palace, truly is ..Vienna's exquisite gem..   

NB- All pics used are clicked by me. 

References- Wikipedia and Time Out Travel

Home is where the heart is", said Mummy as she came home and her Guardian angel..

Mummy and me, Sep 2012

Mummy came back home yesterday after a 15 day stay at Medanta the Medicity, in Gurgaon.
It was a moment to cherish forever and as the ambulance brought her back home, she smiled, looked up at her home, said Satnam Shri Waheguru" and then just as she came in, "Home is where the heart is." We couldnt agree more!

Thankfully, the surgery went off well but it was the post op complications that kept her in the hospital a week longer than all of us had planned.But, that extra week was what has taught all of us the power of patience and believing in 'the real power of what a combination of a good hospital, good after care, a great team of doctors and nursing staff and so much more. It has also taught us that there is a certain pace to everything and that try and wish as we might, people will heal only at the pace that they can.

It has  also convinced me more than ever before that our guardian angels are always there for us and they are also the ones that keep our mind, body and spirits strong as well give us a great deal of hope for the future.And this little story will tell you exactly what I mean.

In the blog post just before this one, I have told you about my grandmother, Mataji who passed away many, many years ago, but has always been Mummy's guardian angel whenever she has been ill or going through any kind of a troubled phase.And she was there for her this time as well. As Mummy tells me, after the five and a half hour surgery, she was moved from the OT to the Post Op room till she regained consciousness. (It is only after this that the patient is moved to the ICU)

It was then that she had this sleeping- waking dream which felt so real that she actually felt warm, safe and comfortable. It was a crowded place with many people milling around.Mummy says it was as though she was looking down at the scene and felt as if she was searching for something, or was it someone?

Some time later, she saw exactly who, it was Mataji, her mum, who was sitting in the middle of the crowd and dealing firmly with all the people who by then seemed to be running in the opposite direction. In fact a few of them told her to leave that place as soon as she could for there was something not quite right there. It was then that Mummy saw Mataji stand up and deal with that situation as firmly as she dealt with many  things in her life. Telling all of them to carry on in the direction that they were heading towards and in fact, having to firmly stand her ground against a few people who seemed as if they would sweep her off with them, she said in a loud voice.

"Cant you see, there is no way that I can leave this spot? My daughter is lying ill in bed there and I will wait until she has recovered."

At that, the crowd moved on and she sat there, alone, waiting..

And some time later, Mummy recovered full consciousness, knowing that her guardian angel had been there for her...


Yet again.... 

It all felt so real."" she said and I believed her..

Implicitly.

Our very own Guardian Angels

A few days from now my mother, Satinder will be undergoing a major surgery and as I started thinking about all that it entails, I felt a rush of love and admiration well up inside me.

As always, whenever I speak to her on the phone or in person I can't help but marvel at her positive outlook and zest for life. Despite the fact that she has severe arthritis, spondylitis and numerous other health related concerns for the last many, many years, she is always smiling, always positive and always interested in what other people are involved with, their dreams,their  aspirations and forever ready to share her knowledge if the other person is positively inclined.

Reproduced below is a piece I'd written in Sep 2010 when Mummy was quite ill and very weak.

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"I'm a firm believer in the fact that we all have 'Guardian angels' who watch over us and look after us.Sometimes even to the extent of helping us in choosing the right path  when things seem to be going terribly wrong or when we are in a state of confusion about the lines that can be drawn separating black from white, or then  the other way around...

(Image,  courtesy the internet)

But even more than me, its my mother who has particularly identified her personal guardian angel.

It's none other than her own mother Rajinder Kaur, or 'Mataji' as we fondly called her and who passed away almost nineteen years ago.Mummy has told me at least ten instances during the course of this period when Mataji has appeared in her dreams and told her exactly what she should do in order to resolve matters or deal with that particular quandry that she might have found herself in at that point in time.(and these are incidents or situations that she had not discussed with anyone, sometimes not even with my father.)

This evening I happened to call my parents after a gap of about a  week and learnt that Mummy had been down with the 'stomach viral' that seems to be going around in Delhi. It had been a tough three days  and extremely weakening to boot. Day before, she hadn't  even  been able to keep down a cup of tea, and that itself was her dilemma as tea is almost mandatory for her.

Then it happened ...during that time when she was in the nether regions of sleeping and waking. 

As she described it, I felt the hair rise up my arms for it was so very real.

And exactly as Mataji would have done.

Mummy says that she was sitting at the dining table of a large bungalow (Haveli) and that was when Mataji walked in.Sitting a little distance away from her at the table, she patted the seat next to her and said, "Beta you haven't even had a cup of tea the whole of yesterday. I really think that you should."

 And Mummy listened to her, immediately helping herself to the tea  that was all set up at that table itself.

Then the dream faded away and she was awake..in her own bedroom.

It was early morning and guess what she did next? 

Asked my father for a cup of tea and was actually able to drink it up peacefully. 

From then on, she got better through the day and today she has actually eaten her first meal at lunch, after a gap of almost four days.

So that's really what Guardian angels do.Help us when we need it the most. "

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And as I prepare myself mentally for the surgery next week, and know that Mummy is also preparing herself mentally as well as physically, I'm positive- 

Her very own guardian angel will be right there, looking out for  and protecting her.....

On Paris in June, Le Cordon Bleu, Neha's graduation and starting a new Blog

There's a reason why you can’t escape the hordes of tourists surrounding the Eiffel Tower. Not only is it one of France’s most popular tourist destinations, but according to data from the World Bank, France is the world’s most visited country. So on this trip to France, we decided that we would see and do everything that we hadn't done on earlier trips and try and leave out the Eiffel Tower. But of course that just isn't possible and on Friday, we found ourselves right back there.

Everything was just as beautiful as before but the number of tourists was actually quite staggering! Add to that the fact that the Eiffel Tower is adding a first floor where tourists will be able to stop, rest, look around and enjoy some fabulous treats and you have a recipe for some of the most delicious possibilities this summer.

On this trip we had the proud privilege of watching our daughter Neha graduate from the world renowned Le Cordon Bleu, Paris with a Deplome De Patisserie on June 6, a glorious afternoon at a beautiful and touching ceremony held at the Westin Hotel, Vendome.

Looking up and marveling

Sunset near Notre Dame

 For more details , please click here and read on-

http://www.muscatdaily.com/Archive/Stories-Files/Paris-in-June-2boc


(Many thanks to Muscat Daily- Excerpt above taken from my column, 'My Take')

Its halfway through the year and I've finally decided to do what I've been mulling for some time now. Next week, I'm starting a new blog which will focus on fun, food and travel. Once I've done it, I will post the link here and I hope you will enjoy reading some of the posts I will be putting up there. 

Meantime, do keep reading this blog, its been over four years now and its still up and running.......

Sights that linger- Trip to the Baushar ruins, Oman and the Lady with the Lamp

Sometime back, I'd decided that I would write about 'Sights that linger" and I did make an attempt, followed by another, but as it sometimes happens, 'Life got in the way'.

But this time around, I'm determined to stay with what I'd planned,  so here's a blog post about my trip to the Baushar ruins sometime back  

Sights that linger

Located diagonally opposite the Muscat Private hospital, these intriguing ruins are actually those of an old, abandoned fort which dates back to over 500 years ago. 

Arriving there just before sunset and leaving shortly after it, this time slot gave us the perfect opportunity to capture a mix and match of the mood , even more than the very real beauty of the location as such.

Old and beautiful

Wandering around, with our cameras in hand and for the lucky few who had remembered to bring a thermos of tea and cookies along, it was really easy to imagine all that had happened in the days of yore.

Could very well be the past

As I say in many of my blog posts, I will let my pictures do most of the talking, but what I will say is....

The Lady with the Lamp

I was really lucky to have got a few pictures of 'The Lady with the Lamp!'